Monday 18 November 2013

In case you didn't notice how fucking clever I was being

I will make it explicit for you.

I'll admit I only came up with the idea of mixed rhyming schemes (on top of all ten being almost perfect iabmic pentameter) about half way thorugh. And I only really got into it deeply on the last few. But come on. It deserves more than plus two in total.

Maybe you don't want to reward 'pailing' on line four. But 'pale' 'weal' and 'sail' on one four and five? The interlocking alliterations of 's' and 'w' from two to five? Pulling it all together with the skull/skin metaphor on line five that unifies the 'blazes pale' 'umbral bone' and 'winters smiling face'. Nothing?

Umbral fucking bone people. Umbral bone. You are lucky to be getting this shit for free I tell you.


End-stopped lines on 1-5 and 2-4 with the central end rhyme repeated twice on the bottom line without fucking up the end rhyme with 1? Expressions and weapons? The fucking alliteration all over tyhe first three lines? What do I need to do here? Write you a poem? I FUCKING DID.
Alright I used 'this' twice. But look at the rhyme scheme for fucks sake!

I reveresed the end rhymes on BOTH lines in the thiRd and forth lines and repeated all four in sequence on the last line.

Gnathite for fucks sake. Do you have any idea what it took to dig up Gnathite?

Its the part of a jaw or mouthpart that manipluates or chews.

3 comments:

  1. Sorry Patrick I hadn't read it yet. +3 now.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah I started it but then a client called and bitched me out about something - wait a week before you drop your erudition bombs. I myself am basically a 9th grade education when it comes to English - the next ten are all in jerkitude.

    ReplyDelete
  3. And lo, lapsed readers, lament.
    For former posts have pass'd.
    Now Poet's unpent furor falls 'pon thee
    And leaves you yearning to've laced your eyes with pristine pentameters.

    ReplyDelete